Trauma Rewired My Brain

I used to be highly functional—a woman who could do it all, juggle countless responsibilities, and forget nothing. My mind was sharp, my memory impeccable. I thrived on organisation, on efficiency, on being able to manage everything life threw at me. And the man I loved? He was the same. My soul mate. We understood each other’s drive and passion, our shared hunger for achievement, our ability to handle it all.

Then everything changed when he burnt out.

It was sudden and devastating. He couldn’t work anymore. The fire that once drove him dimmed, and then extinguished. I stood by him, unwavering. I fought for him, fought to keep him alive. I pulled blades from his hands, stopped him from slitting his wrists, did everything in my power to keep him safe. Even having him committed in the hopes that it would help, that it would give him a fighting chance.

But it didn’t.

In the end, he lost his battle. He took his own life.

And with him, he took a part of me.

Not just a huge chunk of my heart, but a part of my brain.

Don’t get me wrong—I still function well. I am still intelligent. I still get things done. But my brain? It doesn’t work the same way anymore. I don’t remember everything like I used to. I struggle with things that once came effortlessly. It’s as if I’ve lost some capacity, as if a part of me short-circuited in the aftermath of the trauma.

Science tells us that trauma rewires the brain. That prolonged stress, grief, and emotional suffering change neural pathways. The brain, in an attempt to protect itself, shifts. Memory can be affected. Cognitive function can alter. It’s not a choice; it’s biology.

I feel it every day.

Sometimes it’s the small things—forgetting a word mid-sentence, walking into a room and not knowing why I’m there. Other times, it’s deeper—feeling like my once-unstoppable mind now has limits I never knew before.

This is what trauma does. It doesn’t just wound the heart; it reshapes the mind.

But here’s the thing: while I mourn the parts of me that are lost, I also recognise the parts of me that have emerged. The empathy that has deepened. The understanding I now hold for others who battle their own demons. The realisation that strength isn’t about being able to do it all—it’s about being able to keep going, even when you can’t.

So yes, trauma rewired my brain. But maybe, just maybe, in that rewiring, it also rewrote parts of my story that were meant to change.